SMACK DOWN

So I had my first meeting with Emily, my new personal trainer; let's just say that I've got a lot of work to do. She did a fitness assessment, and while I did fine on that, I got really scared when she pulled out the measuring tape. Although I have a tendency to over-share, I'll spare myself the humiliation and you the details; suffice it to say, my upper thigh is now only 2 inches smaller than my waist when I got married a mere 7 years back. And when I uttered this shocking truth to Miss Emily, she started nervously laughing. I asked her, "What's so funny?"

She answered: "You know how people laugh when they're in a really awkward situation?"

My assurance: "Do you feel awkward right now? I don't." And I really didn't.

The body fat test she did was insane. I almost fainted at my percentage until she told me that even her score was dramatically higher than true on this particular scale/machine. I'm truly amazed that the 25-30 lbs. I've gained have wreaked this much havoc on my body. Then again, that's about the size of Leah, a three and a half year old. I'm now imagining strapping Leah onto my body and somehow absorbing her into me--I don't want another 28.5!

I then confessed my love affair with the baked good. And she told me to go off for 2 weeks to get the sugar and cravings out of my system. I told her that I'd try really hard not to eat baked goods/sweets for two weeks. I asked if jam was o.k. "I wouldn't if I were you. But after two weeks, you can start adding sugars back in, like rice and Ezekiel Sprouted Bread and some of the other non-refined carbs." That's when I said, "Rice is a sweet? You know, I'm just not an extremist. I've tried to do things this way before and I've always failed. I'll try on the baked good front [maybe after David's wedding reception? The excuses are already creeping in.], but I can't add another insane diet to the food allergy situation."

So then I got the fitness test and my "prescription" for cardio is 4-6 times per week for 30 minutes. Sounds doable, but challenging. I better go sleepies so I can wake up to my 6:25 alarm call. Argh. Moral: Maybe thinnies don't have more fun.