beauty lost and found

I'll never forget coming across this poem in my portfolio of school work that my parents had saved over the years. I was doing some "cleaning out"--which usually entails me getting so wrapped up in memories and sentimentality that the cleaning out never happens--i just make a bigger mess and spend all of my time reminiscing. I think I was 18 when I discovered this little gem, written in my 3rd grade cursive scrawl. When I re-read it for the first time, I definitely felt shivers...I love imagining my 3rd grade self writing this--and it getting lost and forgotten--and then my 18 year-old self re-discovering it just in time! The funny thing is that I totally feel these sentiments today; if I tried to write a poem about it now, it would end up much more contrived, awkward, self-aware....and so I don't try, but just sit back and enjoy what happened un-self-consciously in my 3rd grade mind. Special thanks goes out to becca claire who immortalized this poem on letterpress and gave it to me for a gift.

Beauty

Beauty is seen
In the sunlight,
The trees, the birds,
Corn growing and people working
Or dancing for their harvest.

Beauty is heard
In the night,
Wind sighing, rain falling,
Or a singer chanting.
Anything in earnest.

Beauty is in yourself.
Good deeds, happy thoughts,
That repeat themselves,
In your dreams,
In your work,
And even in your rest.

--Rachel Laura Harmon 3rd grade

(and don't ask me how i knew what 'earnest' was when i was in 3rd grade. i'm obviously brilliant and i have extremely bright parents!)

It's the hap-happiest season of all...and other random thoughts that don't really fit anywhere.

*Tonite we gathered our sleeper-clad girls to take in the stroller to deliver homemade fudge, cookies, and Christmas cards to our neighbors; if you haven't noticed, I adore our neighbors. But that's beside the point. Anyway, as Jon opened the door to leave, he gasped and stammered some exclamation. I ran from where I was signing the last of the cards to see our favorite babysitters--Heidi and Stephanie--gathering around the door----and then streams and streams and streams of people (I mean 40+ and there were even more that I couldn't see wrapping around the front of the garage...) congregating around them. The only other people I recognized were Lisa and Todd, the girls' parents. After singing two carols to us, they handed Esther and Leah two little dolls, and gave us a gift, too! The rest of the carolers were extended family members of our friends; they carol together every year. I was SO HAPPY that we were on their short list of carolees. Just last night as I was falling asleep (it took me 7.9 minutes instead of the usual 27 seconds to zonk into slumberland), one of my "topics" of thought was that I wanted carolers this year, but I knew we wouldn't get any...I told this to Lisa tonight and she said, "be careful what you wish for..." Anyway, it was so cute and happy and festive. I was so energized as all of these strangers piled into the 12 vehicles lining Tufts Street. That's the Christmas spirit!

*Also last night in my 7.9 minute pre-sleep revery, I had a "clever" thought: is there a domain or whatever you call it that is .mom? Obviously there's .com, .org, .net, .biz, .usa, dot every other country in the world, but is there a .mom? and if there isn't, how can i establish it and do something cool with it? and i was getting all excited about it, and then i thought, "is this the stupidest thought in the planet? one of those half-dazed and confused moments that seem brilliant to me now, but will be the laughing-stock of my morning routine?" and when i woke up this morning, I actually remembered this thought and I couldn't decide. what do you think?

*leah exhibited heroic effort and concern this afternoon. our friends cheryl, jaden, and beckam came to visit us (thanks so much, cheryl! it was so great to be with you today!) and as they were leaving, Jaden bounced a ball into the sidewalk and he ran behind their parked car to get it. at that same moment, cheryl turned the car on to warm it up....just the sound of the car starting inspired utter panic in little leah's voice: "cheryl, wait, wait...don't go! jaden's behind the car! Don't hit Jaden." She literally screamed this in the most genuinely worried voice I've ever heard her muster. I ran over to Leah, Cheryl to Jaden, and Leah was visibly shaken (and still shaking). After we said goodbye, I mulled it over with Leah: "I was like [can you believe she says 'like'? oh my...], 'Cheryl, Cheryl, don't go! Jaden's behind the car!' Mom, I didn't want him to get crashed because then he'd have to go and live in Jesus' place and I couldn't play with him." My little girl knows so little of life, but somehow understands so much.

Leah took this picture herself. I think it's an oh-so-cute daddy-daughter moment.  

She totally did this crazy TA-DA pose after she knew that I was going to untie her... 

"MOM!!! Help! I'm STUCK!" (Tone getting a bit more desparate with every passing second.) Leah had wound this yarn around the ENTIRE house, tying and looping it on to various things (front doorknob, chairs, toys in playroom, etc) and then ended in a sort of conundrum where she couldn't move. That's when Rescue Mom came into play... 

I want to be "SPIRIT" (stallion of the cimarron...) We had checked the DVD out of the library this very day! 

just a cute area--thought i'd show it. 

Now if only we had the fire! (we need a screen, chimney sweep, vermin screen--isn't that hideous?---get on it, jon!) 

this has to be a favorite. "leah's ornament" last year--or an excuse to buy an expensive ornament and justify it! 

I love christmas trees! (especially huge ones that are marked down to $25 for weird gaps and total wideness....i asked for their "charlie brown section" at the lot. i didn't think this was too charlie, but for $25? even the table-top charlie brown trees were $18--) 

"don't you dare take the lights out of my mouth, mom!" 

uh-oh! look who's IN the tree! 

leah bit the eyes off this ornament a few years back; she also named the bird....but we can't remember its name 

the famous squirrel motif from jw's mobile home park (yard art) has inspired me to get all things squirrel 

new floor, 11 year-old socks! thanks, mom! (valentine's day 1995?)

this is how i feel about my new bathroom! i love my jonnie boy! 

I am so in love with my towels, that they get a picture all their own! 

ikea furnishings are muy fabuloso--sorry the pic is so dark. was my flash off? i know, just come and see it for yourself!

i'm a cute little scruffin 

this is MY toilet and MY tub 

i want to take a bath in my sleek new room 

funniest thing...

warning: This is one of those too-much-information posts. it might make you mildly uncomfortable, so skip if you're squeamish about personal affairs. but of course, you're going to read it now just because i said that. so sorry in advance if you think i'm too open. i got jon's approval before i posted this.

jon and i were driving home last night from a birthday party (taking a few detours so we could get our girls asleep in the car) and we were talking about issues (my particular issue is that i'm feeling pretty chubby as of late), and then jon told me: "i love you, i want you, i need you." i smiled. he added, "tonight." my response: "Only if you do the dishes." Him: "Sure." Me: "That is such a good deal." Him: "I think so too."

What it's all about....

Please find the time to read this poem. It might enhance your life; it definitely did mine.

What Work Is

We stand in the rain in a long line
waiting at Ford Highland Park. For work.
You know what work is--if you're
old enough to read this you know what
work is, although you may not do it.
Forget you. This is about waiting,
shifting from one foot to another.
Feeling the light rain falling like mist
into your hair, blurring your vision
until you think you see your own brother
ahead of you, maybe ten places.
You rub your glasses with your fingers,
and of course it's someone else's brother,
narrower across the shoulders than
yours but with the same sad slouch, the grin
that does not hide the stubbornness,
the sad refusal to give in to
rain, to the hours wasted waiting,
to the knowledge that somewhere ahead
a man is waiting who will say, "No,
we're not hiring today," for any
reason he wants. You love your brother,
now suddenly you can hardly stand
the love flooding you for your brother,
who's not beside you or behind or
ahead because he's home trying to
sleep off a miserable night shift
at Cadillac so he can get up
before noon to study his German.
Works eight hours a night so he can sing
Wagner, the opera you hate most,
the worst music ever invented.
How long has it been since you told him
you loved him, held his wide shoulders,
opened your eyes wide and said those words,
and maybe kissed his cheek? You've never
done something so simple, so obvious,
not because you're too young or too dumb,
not because you're jealous or even mean
or incapable of crying in
the presence of another man, no,
just because you don't know what work is.

--Philip Levine

Requesting Fun BABY SHOWER advice

So I absolutely HATE shower games....I feel like they demean women to sniveling idiots fighting over whether the green jar of baby food is green beans, zucchini, peas, or mixed vegies. Don't get me started, don't even get me started on the candy bar melted in the diaper one---to guess which kind of candybar poop it is....oh my. Sorry if I'm offending anyone right now who has thrown a baby shower and felt inspired or obligated to play either of these games. I've thrown several baby showers, none with games. Sometimes I'm greeted with absolute disappointment, "where are the games? that's the BEST part of showers!" and sometimes, like-minded individuals are relieved and thrilled that they don't have to take part in such antics. This is where my plea comes in:

Have you ever done anything at a shower (besides eat delectable earthly delights and give advice for the mom-to-be----which is my typical shower agenda) that isn't about poop or baby food or melting an ice cube with a plastic baby inside, do you get my drift---that was fun or worthwhile? I have a feeling that some of my new ward members will be disappointed that I'm boycotting games and not serving apple tarts with surprise ingredients (cheetos in the crust, yes really--and at a baby shower!) So if you've got anything great, or even a baby shower horror story, let me in on it...

another thing--i don't like the game where you feel the paper bag that has babycare items. nope. done that too many times to care.

I'm one, I'm one, I'm one!