Queen Esther is 1

Yep! A year has passed since darling Esther Jane Harmon Schutz joined our lives....it's hard to believe! I kept looking at the clock all day yesterday and thinking about what was happening in the chronology of that all-so-important day a mere 365 days ago. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. with minor labor pains, sitting on the exercise ball and watching VH1's special on celebrity moms (complete with stories of their pregnancies and childbirth experiences--talk about tv serendipity...), a nice nap, and then, well, things went downhill from there (including me telling Jon, "I think it's time to go to the hospital now!" and his reply, "Do you really want to wake Leah up from her nap?" and "Let me finish this work assignment really quickly." I love my husband; vomitting all the way to the hospital, etc...) until I got my spinal injection (I decided not to "brave" "natural" childbirth on the 2nd time through--and boy am I glad! Any future progeny via me will have to be ready for a small cocktail of painkillers on their entry into this earth...no matter how many stripes I DID earn for Leah's entry, it just wasn't worth it!)

Anyway, back to Esther: her entry into this world was magnificent! I couldn't believe the rush of excitement and curiosity all at once. Who was this new spirit joining our now-more-official family? She was pudgy (8 lbs 7 oz), had tons of dark brown/black hair (with the most amazing SILVER hi-lites), and melted my heart from the get-go. She was a sleeper with a vengeance, a natural nurser from the beginning, and I could have cried when Leah first saw her, and in awe proclaimed: "Mom, she's a sweet pudge!" The feelings I'm dredging up right now are almost enough to make me want to do it again someday (and then I remember the 9 months of pregnancy misery, the intensity of labor pains, the perineal agony, the engorged boobs, sleepless nights, and I think I'll change my mind momentarily...sorry for the gore).

This Estie character has changed all of us:

Jon's love affair with our one little girl has now multiplied to two. They are both filled with JOY when he walks in every night. Esther's scream while he puts his keys, wallet, and loose ends away before he picks her up is only evidence of her love of this wonderfully familiar father. I am thrilled when I walk past the girls' bedroom and Jon is holding Estie tightly and singing to her to put her to sleep. I love that he is and will be a safe-haven for them throughout their lives.

Leah is a protector of Esther and an amazing big sister. Esther ALWAYS wants Leah around and follows her around the house. Just yesterday, when Leah was taking her once-in-a-blue moon nap (complete with contraband binkie stolen from underneath Estie's crib) Esther crawled around the whole house looking for her--I put her up by Leah, and she started pulling her curls, giggling and trying to wake her up! Sometimes I feel guilty that Esther doesn't get as much attention from me as Leah did--because let's face it--although love is not divided, but multiplied as more children enter the brood, time is divided...and when I'm feeling these twinges of guilt, all I have to remember is that Esther has an older sister who loves and adores her and fills in my gaps.

I have learned more about individual worth (YW Value #3) and divine nature (#2) than ever before. Somehow I thought my girls would have to be carbon copies of each other--I couldn't imagine another Jon/Rachel girl being anything BUT Leah....and I was so surprised and delighted that Esther is so Esther and is amazing and complex and a total queen-to-be (just like Leah, but in a totally different way). I've also learned that Heavenly Father is willing and ready to bless us in times of need...

So, Estie, I love you infinitely, and let me count a few of the ways:

*your revving hands (wrists rolling front to back) when you're excited
*your electrifying smiles
*your tantrums when you do "the snake" in place and scream
*your love of food--you must have your dad's metabolism! yippee!
*your willingness to forgive when I've let you scream in your crib and finally go in to rescue you and you are 100% smiles and love
*the fact that you slept for 80% of your life the first 4 months
*when you come in bed with us in the night (bad, but cozy habit) and i look over and see you sleeping peacefully--such bliss!
*your love of Leah--I can already tell that you're going to be lifelong friends.
*your hearty laughter is the most melodic noise in the world--it makes me so joyous

I'm so excited that you'll be my daughter into the wide forever....