blahg, blahg, blahg

I haven't been blogging lately; I keep thinking, "this could be a blog," but then it seems forced and I don't like that feeling. I know that a blog is supposed to be nothing more than an online journal, but there definitely enters a major sense of self-awareness unlike my journals when I know that other people are reading. At the same time, I like that other people are reading. Obviously that's the case, or I would just sit down and write in my journal, or type on my word processor. I want to write. So I'm just going to catalogue some moments that I've had in the last little while that have made me stop and think, or just take a deep breath....

folding clothes the other day, i came across a pair of leah's little tiny underwear....pink with green kermit the frogs all over (or kermits the frog? i'm having the dreaded "book of mormons" conversation in my mind right now)....i was turning them inside out and saw the little liner part and had this sudden overwhelming feeling of sisterhood for this little 3 year old. she's a woman and she's mine, but she's really my spirit sister and i'm hers just as much...

jon's b-day was thursday. i got heidi and stephanie to babysit (they love to come together--not that we need a 1:1 ratio, but they want to come together. isn't that SO cute?) we went out to dinner and had a great conversation about where we're going in life. does jon go to more grad school for a phd (RISK) and try to become a professor and world renowned expert on international water issues? does he focus on his job as an attorney and pursue the lifestyle of an attorney--with the job security, monotony, and money? do i pursue anything besides motherhood and hobbies right now? why is motherhood so draining and amazing at the same time? why does it tend to rob women of aspirations--worldly or otherwise? it was very affirming because we were able to delve into all of these conversations without feeling threatened or defensive (which sometimes happens, esp. on my side of the table....) i totally felt a deep kindredness/friendship with jon that far surpasses our relationship when we first got married. this stage is so much more rewarding than the first few years of figuring each other out. we've got lots of figuring to do yet, and many ups and downs i'm sure, but it is nice to be at a place of understanding and acceptance. we're on the same team.

esther is totally coming into her own. she is totally adorable, and has a will of iron. we went to san fran on saturday to take her pic by the golden gate bridge, ala leah's poster-size shot in front of the eiffel tower. she was so exhausted by the time we got there (after a 3-hour romp in ikea to buy a completely new bathroom which will happen this weekend...) that she was a bit ticked. i sat her on the grass and was taking pictures of her when a swarm of at least 8 asian people with amazing cameras with foot-long zoom lenses came around where we were. i asked them if we were in the way and they shook their heads yes, smiling. jon said, "i don't care, we were here first," and continued to snap away. i looked around to survey the offended chinese tourists, and realized that they were there, swarming, to take pictures of esther and leah, who by this time had joined esther on the grass and was hugging her. they were giddily speaking their language and laughing at the scene; they obviously didn't understand my prior question. i went to pick estie up after a few seconds and after i did, a lady followed me and got a mega close-up of esther's pudgy little face. she (the asian woman) was so thrilled with it! now i know that asians are notorious for their over-picture-taking, but these people were genuinely enchanted with my two little birds. it was heart-warming!

I was watering our front yard yesterday to make sure the new hydrangeas and gardenia flourish, and that the old birch tree doesn't wilt, and a conglomeration of neighbors converged at different times. i love being part of a neighborhood community....it is so refreshing and extraordinary. sometimes i think of us all from an aerial view (google earth's shot of my neighborhood is in my mind) and i zoom in further and imagine what donna and tony, louise, june, monika, merrily & scott & lacie, etc are doing in their respective homes. i love thinking about it at night when we're all nestled and cozy in our beds. i wish google earth could capture some of the great things that go on on this earth, rather than just map the streets. (although i must admit i was thrilled to find out who had swimming pools in my hood.) GOOGLE GOOD EARTH should be their next project....

until then, i think i'll go make some more granola for my neighbors.