I've got some sorting to do.....not just the random dregs of our recent move (2 huge boxes in my closet, 19 boxes in the "office/craft/guest" room, but mainly mental sorting.
Being a mom is really hard for me. It brings me my greatest joys, but my ultimate lows: try yesterday when estie was screaming her guts out for no apparent reason and Leah was fake crying because her Strawberry Shortcake band-aid was coming off and I was being "not very nice" to her--this at the near-end of a day with incessant whining, complete exhaustion, total boredom, and an afternoon realization that the missionaries were coming over for dinner at 5:30...I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and calling a quick s.o.s. to jon--not that he's able to really physically save me, but mentally?...that's the hope--anyway, I really felt that the only way out was out--I jokingly told jon "self annihilation or a full-time job." But it didn't seem too funny at the time.
So today I've been to the gym, made a cute t-shirt that I'm currently wearing, made homemade granola complete with 3 baggies for various neighbors, played a bit with my kids and taken care of them--and I'm not at all crazy. This is what I'm sorting. Today I feel like the alter-ego of yesterday. I'm pretty content, but a bit frightened. What lies on the other side of today?
Can I attribute today's success to the fact that I went to the gym and got an adrenaline rush and free time? Maybe. Is it pure circumstance that my kids are actually behaving better today? Maybe. A huge blessing from God to derail yesterday's dilemma? Maybe. I honestly don't know. But I'm going to run with it. Gotta go deliver that granola.
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Basically I think it's a mixture of all those things. The missionaries coming to dinner part is nuts! That's a doozy on top of a bad day.....I want that t-shirt pattern.
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