Leah took this picture herself. I think it's an oh-so-cute daddy-daughter moment.  

She totally did this crazy TA-DA pose after she knew that I was going to untie her... 

"MOM!!! Help! I'm STUCK!" (Tone getting a bit more desparate with every passing second.) Leah had wound this yarn around the ENTIRE house, tying and looping it on to various things (front doorknob, chairs, toys in playroom, etc) and then ended in a sort of conundrum where she couldn't move. That's when Rescue Mom came into play... 

I want to be "SPIRIT" (stallion of the cimarron...) We had checked the DVD out of the library this very day! 

just a cute area--thought i'd show it. 

Now if only we had the fire! (we need a screen, chimney sweep, vermin screen--isn't that hideous?---get on it, jon!) 

this has to be a favorite. "leah's ornament" last year--or an excuse to buy an expensive ornament and justify it! 

I love christmas trees! (especially huge ones that are marked down to $25 for weird gaps and total wideness....i asked for their "charlie brown section" at the lot. i didn't think this was too charlie, but for $25? even the table-top charlie brown trees were $18--) 

"don't you dare take the lights out of my mouth, mom!" 

uh-oh! look who's IN the tree! 

leah bit the eyes off this ornament a few years back; she also named the bird....but we can't remember its name 

the famous squirrel motif from jw's mobile home park (yard art) has inspired me to get all things squirrel 

new floor, 11 year-old socks! thanks, mom! (valentine's day 1995?)

this is how i feel about my new bathroom! i love my jonnie boy! 

I am so in love with my towels, that they get a picture all their own! 

ikea furnishings are muy fabuloso--sorry the pic is so dark. was my flash off? i know, just come and see it for yourself!

i'm a cute little scruffin 

this is MY toilet and MY tub 

i want to take a bath in my sleek new room 

funniest thing...

warning: This is one of those too-much-information posts. it might make you mildly uncomfortable, so skip if you're squeamish about personal affairs. but of course, you're going to read it now just because i said that. so sorry in advance if you think i'm too open. i got jon's approval before i posted this.

jon and i were driving home last night from a birthday party (taking a few detours so we could get our girls asleep in the car) and we were talking about issues (my particular issue is that i'm feeling pretty chubby as of late), and then jon told me: "i love you, i want you, i need you." i smiled. he added, "tonight." my response: "Only if you do the dishes." Him: "Sure." Me: "That is such a good deal." Him: "I think so too."

What it's all about....

Please find the time to read this poem. It might enhance your life; it definitely did mine.

What Work Is

We stand in the rain in a long line
waiting at Ford Highland Park. For work.
You know what work is--if you're
old enough to read this you know what
work is, although you may not do it.
Forget you. This is about waiting,
shifting from one foot to another.
Feeling the light rain falling like mist
into your hair, blurring your vision
until you think you see your own brother
ahead of you, maybe ten places.
You rub your glasses with your fingers,
and of course it's someone else's brother,
narrower across the shoulders than
yours but with the same sad slouch, the grin
that does not hide the stubbornness,
the sad refusal to give in to
rain, to the hours wasted waiting,
to the knowledge that somewhere ahead
a man is waiting who will say, "No,
we're not hiring today," for any
reason he wants. You love your brother,
now suddenly you can hardly stand
the love flooding you for your brother,
who's not beside you or behind or
ahead because he's home trying to
sleep off a miserable night shift
at Cadillac so he can get up
before noon to study his German.
Works eight hours a night so he can sing
Wagner, the opera you hate most,
the worst music ever invented.
How long has it been since you told him
you loved him, held his wide shoulders,
opened your eyes wide and said those words,
and maybe kissed his cheek? You've never
done something so simple, so obvious,
not because you're too young or too dumb,
not because you're jealous or even mean
or incapable of crying in
the presence of another man, no,
just because you don't know what work is.

--Philip Levine

Requesting Fun BABY SHOWER advice

So I absolutely HATE shower games....I feel like they demean women to sniveling idiots fighting over whether the green jar of baby food is green beans, zucchini, peas, or mixed vegies. Don't get me started, don't even get me started on the candy bar melted in the diaper one---to guess which kind of candybar poop it is....oh my. Sorry if I'm offending anyone right now who has thrown a baby shower and felt inspired or obligated to play either of these games. I've thrown several baby showers, none with games. Sometimes I'm greeted with absolute disappointment, "where are the games? that's the BEST part of showers!" and sometimes, like-minded individuals are relieved and thrilled that they don't have to take part in such antics. This is where my plea comes in:

Have you ever done anything at a shower (besides eat delectable earthly delights and give advice for the mom-to-be----which is my typical shower agenda) that isn't about poop or baby food or melting an ice cube with a plastic baby inside, do you get my drift---that was fun or worthwhile? I have a feeling that some of my new ward members will be disappointed that I'm boycotting games and not serving apple tarts with surprise ingredients (cheetos in the crust, yes really--and at a baby shower!) So if you've got anything great, or even a baby shower horror story, let me in on it...

another thing--i don't like the game where you feel the paper bag that has babycare items. nope. done that too many times to care.

I'm one, I'm one, I'm one! 

esther unwrapping her lion punching bag from fillmores! 

Queen Esther is 1

Yep! A year has passed since darling Esther Jane Harmon Schutz joined our lives....it's hard to believe! I kept looking at the clock all day yesterday and thinking about what was happening in the chronology of that all-so-important day a mere 365 days ago. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. with minor labor pains, sitting on the exercise ball and watching VH1's special on celebrity moms (complete with stories of their pregnancies and childbirth experiences--talk about tv serendipity...), a nice nap, and then, well, things went downhill from there (including me telling Jon, "I think it's time to go to the hospital now!" and his reply, "Do you really want to wake Leah up from her nap?" and "Let me finish this work assignment really quickly." I love my husband; vomitting all the way to the hospital, etc...) until I got my spinal injection (I decided not to "brave" "natural" childbirth on the 2nd time through--and boy am I glad! Any future progeny via me will have to be ready for a small cocktail of painkillers on their entry into this earth...no matter how many stripes I DID earn for Leah's entry, it just wasn't worth it!)

Anyway, back to Esther: her entry into this world was magnificent! I couldn't believe the rush of excitement and curiosity all at once. Who was this new spirit joining our now-more-official family? She was pudgy (8 lbs 7 oz), had tons of dark brown/black hair (with the most amazing SILVER hi-lites), and melted my heart from the get-go. She was a sleeper with a vengeance, a natural nurser from the beginning, and I could have cried when Leah first saw her, and in awe proclaimed: "Mom, she's a sweet pudge!" The feelings I'm dredging up right now are almost enough to make me want to do it again someday (and then I remember the 9 months of pregnancy misery, the intensity of labor pains, the perineal agony, the engorged boobs, sleepless nights, and I think I'll change my mind momentarily...sorry for the gore).

This Estie character has changed all of us:

Jon's love affair with our one little girl has now multiplied to two. They are both filled with JOY when he walks in every night. Esther's scream while he puts his keys, wallet, and loose ends away before he picks her up is only evidence of her love of this wonderfully familiar father. I am thrilled when I walk past the girls' bedroom and Jon is holding Estie tightly and singing to her to put her to sleep. I love that he is and will be a safe-haven for them throughout their lives.

Leah is a protector of Esther and an amazing big sister. Esther ALWAYS wants Leah around and follows her around the house. Just yesterday, when Leah was taking her once-in-a-blue moon nap (complete with contraband binkie stolen from underneath Estie's crib) Esther crawled around the whole house looking for her--I put her up by Leah, and she started pulling her curls, giggling and trying to wake her up! Sometimes I feel guilty that Esther doesn't get as much attention from me as Leah did--because let's face it--although love is not divided, but multiplied as more children enter the brood, time is divided...and when I'm feeling these twinges of guilt, all I have to remember is that Esther has an older sister who loves and adores her and fills in my gaps.

I have learned more about individual worth (YW Value #3) and divine nature (#2) than ever before. Somehow I thought my girls would have to be carbon copies of each other--I couldn't imagine another Jon/Rachel girl being anything BUT Leah....and I was so surprised and delighted that Esther is so Esther and is amazing and complex and a total queen-to-be (just like Leah, but in a totally different way). I've also learned that Heavenly Father is willing and ready to bless us in times of need...

So, Estie, I love you infinitely, and let me count a few of the ways:

*your revving hands (wrists rolling front to back) when you're excited
*your electrifying smiles
*your tantrums when you do "the snake" in place and scream
*your love of food--you must have your dad's metabolism! yippee!
*your willingness to forgive when I've let you scream in your crib and finally go in to rescue you and you are 100% smiles and love
*the fact that you slept for 80% of your life the first 4 months
*when you come in bed with us in the night (bad, but cozy habit) and i look over and see you sleeping peacefully--such bliss!
*your love of Leah--I can already tell that you're going to be lifelong friends.
*your hearty laughter is the most melodic noise in the world--it makes me so joyous

I'm so excited that you'll be my daughter into the wide forever....